Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
