so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
