ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
