its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sober January is a disaster.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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