I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
