you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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