I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
