I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
