I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
