haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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