Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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