I bet he comes in French.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
