toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
