Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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