its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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