felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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