I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
