I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I enjoy the company of your penis
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
