he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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