why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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