smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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