Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
