Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
even my farts smell like vagina
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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