TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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