He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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