She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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