she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
