My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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