wrigley field is MILF paradise
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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