Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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