I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
