I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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