no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
