I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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