i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
