I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
