Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
