Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
