She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your dad touched me again.
false alarm. still invincible.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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