getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
