look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
