If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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