I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
