Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
