i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
