new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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