apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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