You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
