How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
