man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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