Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
